Taso the Greek’s “Bumpin’ Heads 2008″

I don’t know why I watched this…. I thought it was a December 2005 show, it ended up being 2004 December and so, a total waste as far as my mission at ‘Taso the Greek’. Nonetheless, I got to see Crazy Crusher and Nightmare Manson and a bad shitty match by AJ Styles and some more proof that Kevin Steen ain’t all that and a 40 oz., can you feel me?

1. Ghyslain “Viking” Gratton w/Fred La Merveille vs. Kenny The Bastard

Kenny looks like an exstra from a GWAR video. Whoever thought of the Fred La Merveille French policeman gimmick deserves a free fondue set. Viking is truly the star of this match cuz of his antics with Fred, but Kenny is no slouch either. A very good opening match with a canadian Destroyer ending. Eh.

2. Fred La Merveille vs. Damian Steele

How maany Damian Steele’s must there be in pro wrestling? One is signed to an OVW contract and he is black, one was “The REal Deal” in XPW and he was a HHH wanna-be, and the last is in EWR, and he is French and he is sorta chubby. Fred called him Bradshaw on the way out. It was fitting because in the end Steele wins with the Clothesline from Hell. Fred is good for a laugh. The match was indy-fine. What more can I ask from canadians that Peter North and Pam Andreson haven’t already imparted on society.

3. Kona & Giovanni vs. Pee-Wee & Jack-A-Lidster

Favorite new wrestler: Giovanni
Worst Wrestler 2006: Pee-Wee ( I SWEAR this kid sucked harder then a black hole. )

4. The Arsenal vs. Hell Storm (Pure Wrestling vs. Hardcore)

How can you love and hate The Arsenal at the same time? Easy. You just do. Fucking indy backtarder. How do you love and hate this match against Hell Storm? You don’t. You simply hate it. I dunno what they consider “pure” wrestling but this didn’t look like it. And we had a single table break, that was it for the hardcore aspect. Then, right after The Arsenal dvd’s this cat thru a table on the floor, they climb in the ring, Storm kicks him with a big boot and then drops him right on his neck, I swear on my moms, right on his freaking cranium, it was the nastiest looking powerbomb I seen. That shit looked like there was some legit heat between these two or something because this kid’s neck coulda broke after that vertabrae snapping miscue. And Hell Storm, man, sell the dvd OFF the stage THROUGH the table for at least a sec?

5. Useless Authority 50 vs. Los Tabarnacos (EWR Tag Title Match)

What a useless match. I didn’t care a bit, the spot monkeys were flying around and I was probably thinking about frnech fries and mayonaise. Get your damn basics down before you start flopping around the ring like a fish on a hook, man.

6. Jake Matthews vs. Franky The Mobster
It starts off real good with these guys doing a Billy Martin on each other. Then it just goes downhill. I’m also not sure what is funnier, Franky yelling in English or cutting his ‘roid rafe promo in French. Mon argent est sur jabbering induit par stéroïde français!

7. Mr. X-treeM vs. Crazy Crusher (EWR Title Match)

I will admit I watched this match twice. I thought it was good the first time, but sadly prior opinions can effect your judgement. I read that this match was awesome… then realized I was reading about the BONUS match on this disc. The match WAS good… now watching it again…. pause…

8. Christopher Daniels & Excess vs. AJ Styles & Kevin Steen (Dream Match)
Explain to me how Excess does a better all around match here then AJ Styles, please. The match was all Excess, from the heat he was incurring after the top rope broke to the hot moves he was hitting all through the match. This wasn’t a classic, it was a solid match with a hot crowd. Styles was the worst guy in there. He didn’t suck, he just didn’t rock. And he missed his springboard inverted ddt on Daniels, fucked it up to the Nth power. Made Daniels look like a clutz. I’ll join the parade of indy haters who think that move has finally become the shits and should be removed from the guys set once and for all.

BONUS MATCH: Crazy Crusher vs Hell Storm : Ladder Match for EWR Championship

Wrestling is sorta like sex. Foreplay, heat it up, get going, run the engine full blast, blowe a gasket… well, maybe it’s like racing a car. Nonetheless, there should be a build to a blow-off. This match had none. One stupid ladder spot after another. Some were neat, and some were nonsense, and some made you shake your head (I sure shook mine) at the senselessness of risking a broken neck. But through this all I waited for the pay-off, for the orgasm, if you will. It never happened. God DAMN why are there so many bad finishes these days? You suplex a guy off one ladder to another, dvd off the top of a ladder onto two more on the ropes and collapse to the floor in a heap, smash crash bash, and then the winner simply out-punches the loser and then grabs the title. Shit.

BONUS MATCH: The Arsenal vs Nightmare Manson (Unsanctioned Match)

They caught my attention right away because they started it off intense. This was no mat clinic, it was hardcore and hard hitting, but there was a sense of urgency in that it should look real. There weren’t any lulls early and there were no badly contrived spots. They just beat the shit out of each other convincingly and with haste, and unless you’re Mick Foley or New Jack, get in, do your thing, and get out. They kept the spots coming pretty fast and ended up killing each other on some barbwire boards, so it was all good in the end. They had to pry Arsenal off the board, which made me smile cuz I kinda love to hate the guy, he’s got that shit-eatin’ grin and is too skinny to be a toothpick, let alone a wrestler.